whoever said that the twenties are the best years of your life lied

a monthly report for october with a slight young twenties angst

Oct 09, 2024

Disclaimer: I chose to make this post free because I hope it might make someone feel less alone in their emotions. Also, I did no editing. Excuse any typos or mistakes, but I think it helps portray my feelings.

I write again in my notes app because when I tried earlier it was just a jumble of words that made no sense. I was trying to put how I feel into words, but that can seem nearly impossible sometimes.

Whoever said that your twenties are the best years of your life lied. I am a baby adult, and I have no idea what I’m doing. I can’t wait until I’m a bit older and a ton more secure in myself and what I’m going to do with my life. Last week I had barely any energy. I didn’t write when I wanted to or go for runs when I was supposed to. My routine from home doesn’t work in my new apartment because I have a different life. I hate change and changing my routine is scary. However, what else can I do? Keep living as I am now with no energy and always feeling disappointed in myself?

So, with that “pep talk” I gave myself, here is my monthly report and hopefuls for October to become the month where I figure out what and who I am again.

READING

I do have a physical TBR which has been on my shelf for an embarrassingly long amount of time, but I have found myself gravitating towards the rereads I’ve been wanting to do. They are comforting and easy in a time that I think I need them. I’m going to reread Bride, the Dance of Thieves duology, Vespertine, The Seven Year Slip, and The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches. I’d like to read Pack Up The Moon, Winter Garden, Heartless Hunter, and One For My Enemy. Perhaps a bit unrealistic, but I think that’s important to have.

EATING

I’ve been cooking more in September, which I love, so I want to keep that up and also make some fall foods! I want to make this Italian Wedding Soup I found, cinnamon rolls, hot chocolate, and seasonal pastas. I grab apples every time I’m at the store, and I fear I need some apple cider.

PLAYING

With my clothes! I’ve been slowly trying to figure out my style and clean out my closet. On my Instagram, I’ve posted about it a bit, but I’ve been loving creating new outfits from the clothes I have. Trying a sweater on with a new pair of pants. Putting on boots instead of sneakers. Switching the bag I bring. This is all new for me, and I’m loving how it makes me feel.

Photography and going outside. I’m going to put all of my photography on a portfolio! Butttt I have to watermark them all, which is going to take forever. I’m excited and also hope that it reignites my passion for photography. I’ve always loved it, but I guess I feel so busy. I’d like to simply start carrying my camera around with me. And going outside - I have a new goal of going for a walk or a run outside everyday. I want to keep up my running, but sometimes I am tired or it’s too hot or I would just rather walk. It’s okay, as long as I breathe in the air and feel the sun on my face.
Oh! And finding (actually) sustainable clothing brands that aren’t vomit-inducingly expensive. I’m on a mission!

RECOMMENDING

The Morbid podcast for my fall people. They mostly do true crime, but I love their listener tales and spooky episodes as well for fall!
My baggu small crescent bag. The hype is real. It felt weird texture-wise as soon as I opened it, but I use it everyday. It’s deceptively large and goes with every outfit.
Self care. Every Sunday, I do a hair oil mask in the mornings and a hair mask in my shower later in the day. An “everything” shower, if you will. I also put on a face mask! The first Sunday of every month, I try to paint my nails, do my teeth whitener, and tweeze my eyebrows. One of the first things I learned that made me feel better about myself when I was depressed was self care. The simple act of doing something small simply for myself really did help me. And it has become a time where I look forward to spending time with myself and taking care of me. It makes me feel better.

TREATING

Friends and family. I have a busy month ahead. My mom, sister, and grandma are coming to visit this weekend, and I’m really excited to spend time with them. Before that, a friend is last minute spending time in the city, so we’re meeting up with her for dinner those days. Next weekend is our only “quiet” weekend, and after that is one of my best friend’s birthday’s and Halloween. I believe we’re also going to a winery for her birthday. All of this is incredibly fun, but I already know it is going to be important to take care of myself and rest when I can. I need me time and friend time, and between my plans and a busy work month, it will be important to rest.

Something I am focusing on is the duality of emotions. I was struggling with feeling two things at once. For example, homesick but happy I moved. Instead of “but” I’m turning it into “and”.

I am tired, and I am so happy for all of my plans.

I am overwhelmed, and I am happy with my life.

I have no idea what I’m doing, and that is okay at twenty three.

I desperately want to make friends, and I know it is hard especially since I work remotely.

So, I am hopeful that this month is in tune with the report, and I know it is okay if it isn’t.