16. On Grief
The loss I've experienced this year, a lot of great books releasing this week, and an amazing thriller author.
I’ve always counted myself lucky when it comes to loss. I still have all my grandparents, one great-grandma, no seriously ill people in my life. But I’ve lost a few animals - old age, accidental, suddenly. I’ve been to three funerals to support friends. And in the past two months of 2024, I’ve experienced the most loss and grief in my entire life.
In December, I created a vision board for 2024. I even made a version of it for my phone to use as a screensaver. My word for the year is Limitlessness, as a reminder to just let things be and stop worrying about the future. I have images of a hard working woman, books, writing, travel, and quotes. I genuinely, whole heartedly believed that 2024 would be a really great year.
On January 6th, one of my best friends lost her mom completely out of the blue. I drove 9 hours to be there for the funeral and after a day and a half, drove 9 hours home. This loss hit me like a truck. I dearly loved her mom. I cannot put into words the complete and utter devastation I feel for my friend. This was my first sudden loss. As life moves forward, I try so hard to be there for my friend.
A week after I got home from the funeral, we learned that we had to put my sisters horse down. I shut down - I was at my maximum capacity. Quite honestly, I still don’t think I have dealt with this. Anyone with an animal knows how dear they are, but anyone with a horse knows how that animal is part of your soul. He has been in our family for a decade and is one of those animals that is just special. The original date was supposed to be February 29th. Honestly, I hate the anticipation of it. It got pushed back due to weather. At first it was funny, but by the next day it just made everything worse. It got pushed back again. He started to smell like a nursing home. The whole point was to do it before he was in pain. The day he is being put down is the day I’m writing this, Friday March 8th.
I worry that my family, sister especially, thinks I’m callous for not appearing grief stricken. I feel things so deeply that it becomes overwhelming. When we were told this information about her horse, I was already at my limit. It hurts to feel grief, so I often push it away. I grieve alone, in my bed at night, through the words I write here, in my dreams of him. If you are the same, it is okay. No one can tell you how to grieve - I’m learning that now.
The third loss was of the student at the University of Georgia. I did not know her, but I just graduated from UGA in May. We loved the lake. We walked there, did homework there, tanned by the water. It has been a beautiful place for students. This could have been me. It could have been any one of my friends. It could have been anyone I know still in Athens. I may not have known Laken, but her loss hits me in a personal way.
In the first two months of 2024, I experienced sudden loss, brutal loss, and slow loss. In December, I created a vision board because I felt in my soul 2024 was going to be a great year. As we get older, loss begins walking alongside us. It hurts, but as cheesy as it is, this loss is a sign of the wondrous love you have felt and given in your life. I would not change my experiences with my friend’s mom, would not change the ten years of happiness with my sisters horse, and would not give up my memories of the lake in Athens. I am trying to reconcile still having personal growth and a good year with this grief in my heart.
As always, let’s connect this back to books. I mentioned in my article on kindness, all characters go through something. They lose someone, go through something harrowing - whatever it may be, it makes things real for the reader. It makes their cause something we believe in. As I have seen thousands of characters go through loss in my life, I have also seen thousands of characters come out the other side. That helps me. It helps me know that I too will come out the other side, that my sister will as well, that there will eventually be more good days for my friend than bad.
If you are experiencing loss, or are simply sad, I’m sorry and I’m here.
Man oh man, do we have some good releases this week!
A Touch of Chaos (Hades x Persephone #4) by Scarlett St. Clair (Fantasy): March 12, 2024
Empire of the Damned (Empire of the Vampire #2) by Jay Kristoff (Fantasy): March 12, 2024
Sunbringer (Fallen Gods #2) by Hannah Kaner (Fantasy): March 12, 2024
Happily Never After by Lynn Painter (Romance): March 12, 2024
Note: this girl is churning out books - kudos!
A Grave Robbery (Veronica Speedwell #9) by Deanna Raybourn (Mystery): March 12, 2024
Books I’ve compiled from B&N Top 100, the NYT Bestsellers List, and Amazon Bestsellers in no particular order. I’ve decided to simply add the books I haven’t before, since I’ve caught up to the new additions. If you’re curious, last week’s post can be found here.
Three Inch Teeth by CJ Box (Mystery/Thriller)
A Fate Inked in Blood by Danielle L Jensen (Fantasy)
Wandering Stars by Tommy Orange (Historical Fiction)
After Annie by Anna Quindlen (Fiction)
Butcher & Blackbird by Brynne Weaver (Dark Romance)
Note: check trigger warnings!
My poll on Instagram this week was a very tight race, but Freida McFadden is our winner!
I truly love Freida’s backstory. She is a practicing physician specializing in brain injury while also writing many bestselling thriller books. How cool is that? Her books include The Housemaid series, Never Lie, The Inmate, Ward D, The Locked Door, The Coworker, The Perfect Son, and many more.
I find it so incredible that she works as a physician and also has penned so many highly liked thriller books. I bet that her work as a physician specializing in brain injury has really impacted her writing. I would love to pick her brain on that topic! I highly recommend her website, as she has a bunch of information on her books and even a FAQ for writers.
Freida lives in a centuries old home that overlooks the ocean (note: you’re kidding) with her family and black cat. You can find more info on her website or her Instagram.
Just a reminder to submit any books you think others will love on the R&R page or to my email: thesundayreads@gmail.com!
That’s it for today. Much love.
Izzy
P.S. I look forward to reading your other posts! Go Dawgs!
Sorry for your losses. Grief cannot be taught; it must be experienced, unfortunately. I’m a UGA alum and my daughter is in her first year there. She was shaken, as well. And the male student who committed suicide at that time was an acquaintance of hers. No way I could have prepared her, but I have assured her I am available to help.