late bloomers still bloom

for the girl i was ten years ago

Anxiously, I tug on my older sister’s sleeve. I gesture her to bend a little closer so I can whisper in her ear.

“Can you get my sandwich for me?'“ I ask quietly.

“Sure,” she says. “The usual?”

I quickly nod and hide halfway behind her, not making eye contact with anyone, as we move down the Subway line.

I didn’t pluck up the courage to order my own Subway sandwich until I was in middle school.

My heart is beating out of my chest. I can feel my thoughts racing, mind blanking on what I should say.

Everyone turns to look at me. I burst into tears.

It was the first day of second grade. We were sharing things about each other in a group to get to know each other. I couldn’t do it.

Group situations still make me nervous, but I met my best friend in third grade.