its been a year and i'm not "successful"

bonus post. success comes in all shapes and sizes & a thank you.

My first Substack was posted on November 12th, 2023. I remember shaking as I pressed post and negotiating with myself to post about it on my Instagram. But I did it; I did both. I was so proud of myself.

It has been a year. I discovered I want to write stories. I expanded to a second weekly post for my two paid subscribers and three comped ones (two of which are my parents). I made some friends online. I stuck to my promise, only missing one or two posts the entire year. I have found a way to communicate when I don’t have the words.

What I haven’t done? I haven’t reached 500 subscribers. I don’t really understand notes. I can’t figure out how to find other similar newsletters on here. My reach and open rate have decreased the last few months steadily. Oh! And I lost two paid subscribers (real ones!). Spoiler alert: it happens.

I tried to do research. What are others having success with? What should I be doing better? How can I send reengagement emails? How can I make sure I interact enough on here?

All of the things I see on notes are about reaching milestones, doing better, reaching more people. Don’t get me wrong, I am genuinely happy for my mutuals. I love seeing them succeed in life. But what am I doing wrong? I wanted to write friends instead of mutuals but I couldn’t even do that because I don’t even think I can call them friends.

I feel like I’m missing something. Why can’t I create more than surface level friendships online? Why can’t I seem to get there? Wherever that is.

What I’m trying to say is that it has been a year, and nothing is linear. I started this because I thought it would be a fun idea. I continue it because I want to succeed. Let’s not kid ourselves - part of creating a Substack is the hope that you’re going to have a ton of subscribers and success. However, I am here to remind you that some people can get 1000 subscribers in six months and others less than 500 in a year. Some people have a random viral note, and others try for months and don’t get views outside of mutuals.

In a world where success is so valued in metrics, do not forget the other ways it is valued.

For me, the biggest success I had was on Saturday, when I was looking into potential paid partnerships and programs for my Instagram and seeing how exhausting it was and thinking gosh, is this what it’s really about?

Yeah, no.

It’s about the way my parents absolutely adore this newsletter. It’s about the way I have learned how to communicate my emotions better. It’s about the journey I’ve undertaken - on my second novel attempt in less than a year after never trying before. Success this past year for me has been in the trying. I used to not even try - what was the point?

I will never stop trying. I like to post on here because I understand books a little bit better, because I still believe that I can one day create the community that was the basis for this. I like my Instagram because I love to take pictures and share them without feeling a shred of anxiety. I like that I have been more vulnerable and more myself in these posts and loved for it when I never thought I would be. You all have proven that I am enough as I am. How can anything be considered more successful than that?

For me, I haven’t found success in the metrics. That is a fact. One that I don’t like to say and feels really heavy since I’ve tried so hard. But I have found success in feeling more comfortable in my bones.

It’s been a year, and I’m really awfully tired of trying to do what I’m “supposed” to. I’ll post a note when I want and write topics about whatever I want. I’ll spend one longer chunk of time actively reading my friend’s posts instead of squeezing ten minutes in to skim a day.

What I really want to say is thank you. thank you. You - the person reading this right now - have made me more comfortable in my bones. You are a person who has shown me that I can be loved as I am. You are someone who has encouraged me to follow my passions. I am not exaggerating that you have changed my life. So, thank you. I’ve sent out comped 90 day paid subscriptions for my subscribers who have engaged on the newsletter for the past year.

Much love

Izzy