failure, writing, and getting back up
on failing a lot and how i've grown from it
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I've failed a lot recently for a girl who struggles with it. I’ve written and abandoned three books. I second guess every decision. I hyperfocus on a project only to feel like I’ve wasted the last week of my life.
As an ex-perfectionist (we’re working on it), failure isn’t just failure. It’s failure. It is the end all be all. It defines my worth. It means I am the worst. It is the end of the world.
My therapist and I have been talking a lot about the idea and practice of excellencism. Rather than perfectionism, which allows for no flexibility, excellencism allows for that. It is simply always striving for excellence, to be better. And you know what that allows? Failure.
So, my recent failures are honestly rather good. It’s a sign that even if my brain tricks me sometimes, my actions are proving that I am growing as a human. I’ve tried, failed, and picked myself back up to try again. Let’s dive into each example.
Abandoned Book Projects
Failure is to an author what grass is to human beings. It is always there and impossible to avoid and crucial for our world. I can’t be an author or a writer without rejections and failures. When I realize that a project is losing speed, I don’t just abandon it and move on. I try first to rediscover the drive and plot lines, jump back to brainstorming, outline a plot. But often the issue lies in me diving without thinking at first. You know, I wouldn’t even say they are abandoned projects. I love all three, and I think they all have potential. But, they aren’t for the me in this moment.
Second Guessing
It’s so easy for us to think all of our thoughts and experiences are entirely unique to us. In reality, everyone second guesses themselves. It’s what you do with that thought that defines you. A lot of the things I am currently second guessing are on topics that I would’ve never allowed myself to even think about a few years ago. I refused to even take a chance. And today, I’ve been sharing the thoughts and process with friends and family. Not only do they have full confidence in me, but they regulate my thoughts. And you know what is best? It’s that I know it’ll be okay if these things don’t work out. I’m taking a chance on myself because I’m worth it.
Project Hyperfocus
I’m impatient and driven and love research. It’s a mess waiting to happen. I love to stay busy, so oftentimes I will find something to focus on or research. Suddenly, I’ve deep dived the last three days and only just come up for air. What am I doing? What purpose does that serve? Why did I just waste those days? Truthfully, I love a little personal project to keep me busy and my brain curious. My “failure” is in my impatience. This is a great example of why some of my past book projects failed. I go all in only to be burnt out a few days later. I don’t ask myself the proper questions or prepare everything needed.
Overall, failure is making me grow as a human. I’m learning how to be patient and let things go. I’m learning that taking a chance on myself is worth it and to confide in those I love when I feel anxious. I know now that I am worth the risk, valuable as a human, and not defined by my failures. I’m defined by what I do with them.
What are your thoughts about failure? How has failure changed your life for the better?
All links to books are affiliate links through bookshop.org to help support indie bookstores.
Don’t Let Him In by Lisa Jewell (Thriller): June 24, 2025
A Treachery of Swans by A.B. Poranek (Fantasy): June 24, 2025
The Accidental Favorite by Fran Littlewood (Fiction): June 24, 2025
It’s Only Drowning by David Litt (Memoir): June 24, 2025
Room on The Sea by André Aciman (Literary Fiction): June 24, 2025
Sunny Side Up by Katie Sturnio (Romance): June 24, 2025
A Terribly Nasty Business by Julia Seales (Mystery): June 24, 2025
It Happened On The Lake by Lisa Jackson (Thriller): June 24, 2025
Books I’ve compiled from a variety of bestseller lists. I add the books I haven’t before, since I’ve caught up to the new additions. If you’re curious, last week’s post can be found here.
Bury Our Bones In The Midnight Soil by VE Schwab (Fantasy)
The River is Waiting by Wally Lamb (Literary Fiction)
With a Vengeance by Riley Sager (Thriller)
King of Ashes by SA Cosby (Mystery)
So Far Gone by Jess Walter (Literary Fiction)
If you have a book recommendation to share, send me a DM or email me at thesundayreads@gmail.com!
Where The Dark Stands Still by AB Poranek
Seriously I had no clue her second book was releasing this week until I started writing this article. What great timing! Her debut, Where The Dark Stands Still, is a stand alone fantasy novel inspired by Polish folklore. It is amazing. You can tell how myth and fairytale have been woven into the words, while the actions and characters feel very much their own. And the ending! I don’t know what to think, even now! Ah!
That’s all for today! Much love
Izzy
“Everyone second guesses. It’s what you do with that thought that matters” Very wise. Thanks
Once again I am impressed with your courage and vulnerability. I never knew about the word, let alone the concept of "excellenism" and I glad to have learned something new, thanks for that.