36. On a chapter ending

the epitome of bringing reading and life together in a mini essay & thank you

It is the first time a move has scared me. Every time I went to college, I knew I was coming home. But this one, I don’t know if I will or not. And the unknown is my biggest fear like it is for many others.

This past year or so at home has been what I needed. This time last year, I was at a wine tasting in Montpellier, France. Looking back, I roll my eyes at the worries my anxiety created for me. I really, truly lived last summer, and I am so grateful that I have experienced that feeling.

Coming home was a shock to my system, especially when you add in the horrific job market. I was lucky to get a job after 4-5 months of searching. I had a few weeks off before starting my job, and I want to go back and hug myself because I didn’t enjoy it at all. I quite literally had a miniature mental breakdown. I was so damn anxious - I can’t even describe how it felt - that I laid down on my bed sobbing my little eyes out and asked my mom, is this just how I feel?

I thought I was sick. (I wasn’t.) The next week, I started seeing a psychiatrist who diagnosed me, started my medication, and recommended a therapist to me. That was in December. It’s August, and I’m on steady medication, not seeing the psychiatrist any more, and have bimonthly meetings with my therapist.

It was like I was a husk of a person. I carry my emotions on my face, in my voice, how I hold my body. It was obvious to everyone around me that I wasn’t me. And now? I feel a lot better. I’m not the same me anymore, but I have outlets and a routine that makes me feel good.

This chapter was the one where I started being myself. I started this newsletter and found writing to be an outlet. I took my Instagram more seriously and have made many good friends who have been a social outlet for the last year. I feel more confident in who I am. I’m a reader and a writer, and I like me for it. I began writing a book and even have spoken to others about it. I have traveled. I have lost a lot, but I’ve loved even more. I have found joy in running and my coloring books. I have found peace in breathing through Pilates and music flowing through my headphones, quieting the constant cycle of my thoughts. I (try to) think before I act. I have worked hard at my job. I have plans for the rest of the year that excite me.

I am scared because I found a routine that allowed me more mental and physical peace than I’ve had in ages. I don’t want to lose that, but to keep it, how many things would I not have the chance to love in the future?

I have done myself this disservice so many times in the past.

This chapter of my life was about looking in the mirror and confronting myself. Seeing myself for who I am and then working towards being that person authentically. Carrying myself through some of my lowest times and breathing in the brisk morning air on the runs I wouldn’t have been able to do a year ago. Saying affirmations in the mirror every night when I do my skincare and journaling every morning. Being vulnerable in the ways that scare me - my book account and this newsletter being the primary ones - and having people love me deeper for it. Overall, I learned that I could be loved for being who I really am after someone a long time ago had shown me that I wasn’t.

Disrupting this peace is scary, but how can I grow anymore without doing so? Chapters that end with loose ends are scary. But the best part is that, as a reader, you keep eagerly turning the page. You are encompassed in the read, dying to learn what happens, and feel that sense of completion at the end of the book. I think it’s time I treat my life the same, don’t you?

It’s time I eagerly turn the page, and I’m excited to bring you all with me.

(Thank you for making me more confident in who I am.)

Articles I loved this week <3

1. reading wrap up: in memoriam, yellowface, and more by

   Nora West
   , The Simple Library

2. Analog summer, really great reads, and tomatoes by

   Michelle Martin
   , Literary Learnings

3. Are We Reading Twins? by

   Renee - Itsbooktalk & More

4. Labia by

   Rachel Leeke
   , Love + Travel

5. notes on july by

   sariya
   , coffee stained pages

ps. drop any articles you loved in the comments too!

---

Happy releases!!! Also: affiliate links!

1. The Story Collector by Evie Woods (Historical, Fiction, Magical Realism): August 13th, 2024

   1. note: i’m reading the ARC right now. current thoughts: unsure but intrigued.

2. Born of Blood and Ash (Flesh and Fire #4) by Jennifer L Armentrout (Fantasy): August 13th, 2024

   1. note: people have their opinions about the blood and ash series, but this prequel series is amazing. i had no idea the fourth book was coming out this week.

3. Lady Macbeth by Ava Ried (Historical Fiction/Fantasy): August 13th, 2024

4. Joy by Danielle Steel (Romance): August 13th, 2024

5. A Werewolf’s Guide to Seducing a Vampire by Sarah Hawley (Paranormal Romance): August 13th, 2024

6. Everything We Never Knew by Julianne Hough & Ellen Goodlett (Magical Realism): August 13th, 2024

7. Blue Graffiti by Calahan Skogman (Romance, Coming of Age): August 13th, 2024

   1. note: a debut!!

Books I’ve compiled from mainly the NYT Bestsellers List, but also the B&N Top 100 and Amazon Bestsellers in no particular order. I’ve decided to simply add the books I haven’t before, since I’ve caught up to the new additions. If you’re curious, last week’s post can be found here.

1. Hard to Kill by James Patterson & Mike Lupica (Thriller)

2. The Wedding People by Alison Espach (Humor, Fiction)

3. What Have You Done? by Sheri Lapena (Thriller)

4. Slow Dance by Rainbow Rowell (Romance)

I have written a lot about Danielle Steel’s books on here, but I have yet to read any. So, let’s chat about Danielle Steel!

via Penguin Random House

I think Danielle is my new icon. She has written over 210 books and sold over 1 billion copies internationally. She is a pure, heartfelt writer in every sense of the word. She is frequently on the bestseller lists internationally (read: every book of hers that publishes is a bestseller). Her genres include romance, nonfiction, poetry, children’s books, and lyrics for a music album.

Danielle spends her time running two foundations. One honors her late son, The Nick Traina Foundation, which finances organizations that focus on mental illness, child abuse, and suicide prevention. Her second foundation helps the homeless. Two of her nonfiction books are purely about these experiences.

While daniellesteel.com is run by her publisher, daniellesteel.net is her own website with just loads of valuable and insightful information. She truly seems like a wonderful human. She has eight kids and loves them all deeply. She tries to give back to the world around her. She finds joy in art and curating art galleries. Danielle isn’t just a writer, she is a wonderful human who emulates the kind of person I want to be. Now, she is more active on her Instagram account.

Just a reminder to submit any books you think others will love on the R&R page or to my email: thesundayreads@gmail.com!

That’s all for today! Much love

Izzy